Spit.

My day.

Sam #1:
I wake up. That instantly throws my day into a pit of despair. But Sam, you wake up every morning! Way to state the obvious. I just somehow pull my body out of this lonely pit at around noon. So waking up ruins my morning. Sometimes I wish that I could just stay put in my warm, brightly colored bed with Shamu. Don't worry, I'm not being a scandalous lady. Shamu is a whale. A fake one... Usually I fall asleep in the shower. Yes, It is possible, I do it almost every single morning. Just put your head against the wall, and BAM, you have now mastered the talent of fake narcolepsy. After rushing to get to school I either have AP Biology or Chemistry. Really? Both science classes, both hard, both stupid. Dun dun dunnn. The pit of despair is now filled with spiders or some sort of creepy thing, maybe clowns, or vice principals.... After that I have a ton of boring classes. So Sam #1 resides in my body until noonish. Tip: Stay away from Sam #1. She will rip your head off or completely ignore you. Hopefully it is the second one, for your sake.

Sam #2:
I'm floating on cloud nine. My last class for BOTH days are super easy. Resulting in a pretty happy Sam. I often ponder during Sam #2 time. I usually don't have a lot on my mind to ponder about though, so I sit back and dream about Dr. Pepper rivers streaming through hills made out of Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. Sounds pretty darn wonderful doesn't it? 


Sam #3: 
This Sam is a blast. Just saying. I often transform into Sam #3 right after school. I usually find myself singing very very loudly. Just imagine your fat grandmother siting on top of a goat, and the sounds coming from the goat's mouth is better than what I sound like. But I don't care! I feel unstoppable! Usually this is when stupid things come out of my mouth, unfortunately.I spelled unfortunately correct the very first time without a dictionary or spell check. Winner? I think YES! One thing you should know about me. I don't have a filter. If I think about it, I will say it. No matter what it is. I just vomit out everything that is inside my brain. Ew. Sometimes my brain vomit humors people. And sometimes people get extremely offended. And sometimes I deserve a good punch in the face for what I say. I'm trying to start thinking before I speak. It doesn't work for me.

Go to the store and buy eggnog Creamies. You will thank me later.

Sam #4:

Sam #4 comes out at night. I think about what has happened throughout the day, resulting in a very fickle Sam. Sometimes I cry, but mostly I laugh. I laugh at all the ridiculous things that happened to me. I'll tell you what I'm laughing about right now.

Coming home from the Utah State Developmental Center I see that Darla is about to die of thirst. In panic I search for money anywhere possible. Pockets, seats, bras. A bra is made to hold things. Thus, my phone being constantly in my bra. Be disgusted. I don't care. It's a fantastic spot for things. After ten minutes of rummaging through my car I find 12 dollars. I park Darla in front of a little pump thingy. What are they called? Blonde moment anyone? I see that the cashier is sweeping and I assume that it is closed. So ever so slyly I poke my head in. The cashier looks up, and smiles at me. 

This dude is probably 20. And not bad looking. At all. He started talking to me, about my car and school. I do get the feeling that he is hitting on me. Not to be conceited, but he was. After a couple of minutes and a goodbye I walk towards the door. "Have a good night!" He hollers and I turn my head towards him for two seconds. 

Two seconds later I was getting to know the door a lot better. I didn't look up. I just kinda booked it out to my car. It hurt. And I broke a blood vessel on my hand if you want proof. 

So now. I'm sitting here. Laughing about how dumb I am. Thank goodness I'm not THAT easily embarrassed. Thank goodness I don't care about what other men think about me. Thank goodness I'm Sam.

So Sam #4 made some Orange Juice. And boy do I love orange juice. Except my family downs it in about three hours. And I'm sick of it. Solution? 

If your eyesight is not choice, the tape has: Sam's oj. Written on it. Booyah.
Smartest thing I've ever done.
Dang. I should have spit in it too.
Just for the extra security.
I guess you could say Sam #4 is the inspired Sam.
Orange juice with tape and spit?! Brilliant.

Adios-
Ham